A Few Thoughts on the Challenge of Relationships

Gossip. Something that is 90% true about a person, is not true

Flattery. You are vulnerable to flattery to the degree you are insecure

Games. Don’t over-think communications before they happen. Naivety wins you God’s favor

Fatherliness. Even as you get older, treat younger men as fully fledged brothers.

Perspective. Practice treating people relative to God, not relative to yourself

Investment. Give your finest time to fruitful friendships, but be ready to smile at everyone.

Peace. You will violate and be violated in the path of friendship, but take heart – God has a real and abiding peace in Christ.

Anger. Be forthright with the brother who has offended you – better that than being forthright about him to others.

Patience. No-one knows your inner man straight away; very few even know themselves.

Vision. See potential, so you can help redirect things every now and then.

Rebuke. If you need to rebuke a brother, do it on the basis of his future, not his present.

Insight. Only pure love gives pure insight.

Validation. Most people use others to validate their own journey: be in the minority here.

Possessiveness. When you pretend to own something, you end up with pretend-friends too. A pastor who ‘owns’ his church objectivizes ‘his people’ and makes them strangers, not friends.

Separation. Friendships are ‘lost’ when they are based on work first.

Marriage. Your wife is a close friend, but not a partner in everything.

Leadership. If God gives you captaincy, never wear the armband.

Open-handedness. Always be willing to release an inheritance gained, and you will have an even greater inheritance in deep covenant friendships.

Generations. Our sons must and will go further than us. This requires recognition and releasing.

Sophistication. The more complex the systems, the more shallow the friendships.

The lowest seat. A man who can switch on humility is not humble. Humility is an attitude gained through failures, not an attribute deployed in success.

Suck-up. A sychophant only wants power, not service.

Moralism. Where morality poses as holiness, lust will abound.

Crusades. Causes align friendships to the cause, not to the love of God.

Outsiders. Church-mindedness robs us of the privilege of dining with prostitutes and tax collectors.

Trust. Those who share painful times will share private worlds.

Bullies. Headstrong men use friendliness as a lever for co-operation.

Two kingdoms. God will disciple you towards laying down your life for your friends. This is the end goal of the Christian trajectory.

Money. Friends are spontaneous givers and reluctant receivers.

Communiques. True friendship always includes one-to-one correspondence. Social networking alone loses the one amidst the many.

Snares. Never lay traps - you are guaranteed offence and loss of friendship.

Justice. You deserved justice but received mercy. So pass on to others what they don’t deserve too.

Infallibility. You are never as right as you think you are. And when you are dead right, you can still be dead wrong.

Silence. Saying nothing only makes you appear wise; it is not wisdom itself.

Risk. Being clumsy with our words is a great sign of love.

Death. To lay up treasures in heaven, we must see just how much God treasures others.